Rollin' on the River

Original airdate: May 30, 2009

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Episode 4 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize...

“Butts up!” Luis, the cave tubing guide, is a short, rotund man wearing a black mesh tank top and electric blue Crocs.

It’s the end of the dry season and the Sibun River is running low. Low enough in places to endanger the gluteal areas of our intrepid heroines, who are floating in inner tubes through the inky darkness of a long cave. Their headlamps, the sole source of light, illuminate roosting bats and spectacular limestone formations.

“Remember, feet first through the rapids, then paddle backwards to the left!”

The three cavers blink owlishly when they finally emerge into the sunlight. Refreshingly cool waters the color of jade carry them leisurely through pristine jungle, but Eden and Miko are feeling the effects of sun exposure by the time they exit the river and make their way to the waiting van.

They check into their Belize City B&B late that afternoon.  Too tired even for a cocktail – perhaps the result of having risen especially early to catch their flight from Placencia – they promptly collapse in an undignified heap onto the bed.

The following day finds our fearless females on a river once again. Sightings of coati, kingfishers, and snail kites make the 26-mile journey as interesting as the destination: Lamanai.

The once mighty Mayan city lies in magnificent ruin. Over the centuries, the jungle has reclaimed much of the site, concealing its vastness. High in the trees, indolent howler monkeys sleep while our dynamic duo gazes in awe upon the Mask Temple and the Temple of the Jaguar.

At the ball court it is not difficult to imagine the game’s victor kneeling on the round stone slab to claim his reward, a “get out of hell free” card with a catch – it must be redeemed immediately. Death by beheading was apparently a small price to pay for such a prize.

The towering High Temple is especially impressive and Eden is ecstatic to hear that she is permitted to climb the 112-foot high architectural marvel. Miko, ever the more grounded of the two, is not inclined to make the steep ascent, so she merely watches as Eden, sweating profusely in the relentless midday sun, leads the charge up. The payoff: a spectacular panoramic view – and a dangerous descent that Eden makes with unusual care.

Our intrepid heroines return to Belize City, their awareness of its seediness heightened by having viewed such majestic evidence of the area’s former glory. They look forward anxiously to tomorrow's departure from its environs.

© Eden Feuer

Monkey (River) Business

Original airdate: May 28, 2009

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Episode 3 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize...

The damage done by the earthquake is most obvious in the nearby village of Monkey River, half an hour by boat from Placencia.  The town dock is several feet underwater, houses are tilted or sunken, and concrete sidewalks are cracked. There is mud everywhere, the result of ground liquefaction.

Our intrepid heroines and their guide for the day, a muscular, wifebeater-wearing Belizean named Alrin, have just stepped onto shore when a small aftershock strikes. Most of the village’s 200 inhabitants are out and about, talking about the temblor and surveying the wreckage, and this latest tremor causes much consternation.

Our fearless females and Alrin reboard the boat and head upriver. Immature little blue herons fish in the shallows. Social flycatchers flit from tree to tree. A troop of howler monkeys loudly lays claim to its territory.

Alrin pulls the boat up to the bank.  “We had rains a few days ago. You have insect repellent?”

The moment Miko and Eden step onto the trail they are assaulted by mosquitoes in numbers that they have never before encountered in all of their travels. The buzzing bitches are everywhere, and Eden swats at them madly, her hands covered in blood – no doubt her own – but they are relentless.  Ears, neck, arms, the palms of her hands – all sustain bites.

Despite her long-sleeved shirt and a plant-frond flyswatter, Yumiko, always a bug-magnet, is not faring any better.

Alrin points out native flora and explains their medicinal uses, but Miko and Eden are beyond caring. Even the monkeys they encounter fail to interest them.

They are thrilled to return to the boat some 20 minutes later, where Eden and Miko proceed to doctor the dozens of bites they have suffered. Eden notes with alarm that Miko’s right eye is swollen nearly shut while Miko observes that Eden’s arms have turned purple around the elbows.

“Let’s hope that malaria medication we’re taking is effective,” Eden mutters grumpily.

The trio slowly motors its way downriver and out into the lagoon. In the shallow green water where the sea grass grows, they spot manatees. Mosquito bites forgotten, our intrepid heroines watch in amazement as three of the endangered creatures surface within 5 feet of the boat.

Eden’s desire to jump in and swim with them is strong, but she manages to restrain herself.  Someday, she thinks wistfully. Someday. 

© Eden Feuer

Shaking Things Up

Original airdate: May 28, 2009

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Episode 2 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize...

The massive earthquake hits at 2:24 a.m., jolting Yumiko and Eden awake.

The building shakes and lurches wildly. There is an ominous creak and the power goes out with an audible hiss. Frantic voices call out in the darkness.

As abruptly as it began, the shaking stops. Our intrepid heroines grab a flashlight and stumble out onto the Sidewalk, where Placencia’s rattled residents and visitors are congregating, desperate for information.

“Anyone hurt?”

“Can you see if there’s any damage?”

“I’ve lived here my entire life and never felt anything like that!”

“I just used my cell phone to call a friend in the States, who says the quake’s magnitude was 7.1. The epicenter was off the coast of Honduras, 140 miles from here.”

There is nervous talk of aftershocks and tsunamis, but there is little anyone can do. Aftershocks can occur at any time and, given Placencia’s remote location, mass evacuation in the event of a tsunami would be impossible.

Well, Eden thinks, if we are going to die, at least our last day on Earth was a really good one.

Indeed, Yumiko’s 40th birthday had been spent snorkeling amongst Laughing Bird Caye National Park’s fantastic formations of fan, fire, brain, and elkhorn coral as colorful reef fish darted by, lobsters peeked out, and conches and sea cucumbers made their way slowly along the sandy seafloor.

Upon their return to the village, our dynamic duo had moved their backpacks into an air conditioned room and headed to the Barefoot Beach Bar for drinks. Well into the evening, they sat by the ocean, watching the coconut palms sway in the breeze and chatting happily with new friends over panty rippers, Monkey River mudslides, and mango daiquiris.

The situation is what it is. So Eden and Miko do the only practical thing – they go back to bed.

© Eden Feuer

Call of the Caribbean

Original airdate: May 26, 2009

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Episode 1 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize...

The tiny plane is flying low above the aquamarine waters of the Caribbean as the sinking sun casts a golden glow over the Belizean jungle. Our intrepid heroines gaze down, drinking in the view with the eager thirst of those who have longed for nine years to see it again.

The pilot expertly lands the aircraft on a small, pitted runway and our dynamic duo steps out into the sticky air and oppressive heat of Placencia, a small town of wooden houses on stilts situated on the tip of a peninsula. A short, dusty, bumpy cab ride later, they arrive at the Serenade Guest House, where they drop their gear on the deck with sighs of satisfaction.

It has been an easy journey and Eden is congratulating herself on her precise planning and expert execution when the hotel’s proprietor, Miss Anita, apologetically informs her that the air-conditioning in their room is broken.

Already sweaty after only a few minutes of being outside, Eden and Miko are not happy about this unexpected turn of events, but, seasoned travelers that they are, they accept their fate with sighs of resignation and a prayer to the weather gods petitioning for a cool night.

By unspoken agreement, they unceremoniously dump their stuff in their room, douse themselves in insect repellent, and make their way along the Placencia Sidewalk – according to the Guinness Book of World Records, the narrowest main street in the world – to the Pickled Parrot, where they proceed to get thoroughly pickled on rum cocktails with evocative names such as “panty ripper” and “parrot’s piss.”

Be sure to tune in for the exciting and earth-shattering second episode of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize to find out how our intrepid heroines spend Miko's big birthday.

© Eden Feuer