With This Sake, I Thee Wed

Original airdate: April 22, 2007

Konnichi-wa! Previously on The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan, a sweeping saga of tragedy and triumph in an exotic land both ancient and modern...

Following the rehearsal dinner, our intrepid heroines, having ingested a goodly amount of alcohol, stagger back to the Grand Palace Hotel. 

And now, Episode 4... 

At 10:30 a.m., our sleep-deprived but ever-intrepid heroines board the bus bound for the shrine where Sachi Morinaga and Nick Williams are to wed. The traditional Shinto ceremony, accompanied by dreadful high-pitched background music, is mercifully short. The traditional reception (back at the hotel), on the other hand, is an unmercifully long, very formal affair that drags on for 3 hours. 

Eden decides to skip the so-called "second party," a much less formal gathering of the young people, opting instead for the company of her mother-in-law. Miko and her sister Cathy, however, are game and head out for a night of revelry. 

The next day, our intrepid heroines' final full day in Japan, is rather uneventful, though they do manage to squeeze in a visit to a lovely temple at the base of Mount Bizan. They are currently making preparations for their trip home and are very hopeful that a flood of fan mail will herald their return to the United States. 

As The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan comes to a close, Eden offers this haiku:

Long journey to come.

Hours spent on a plane not fun.

May I have drugs now?

© Eden Feuer

Lighting a Fire Under Your Rear End... Literally

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan would like to share with our readers the following Foxnews.com article of April 17, 2007, brought to our attention by Dr. Cheston Berlin:

Now that's a hot behind.

Japan's leading toilet maker, Toto Ltd., is offering free repairs for 180,000 bidet toilets after wiring problems caused several to catch fire, the company said Monday, according to the Associated Press.

The electric bidet accessory of Toto's Z series caught fire in three separate incidents between March 2006 and March 2007, according to company spokeswoman Emi Tanaka. The bidet sent up smoke in 26 other incidents, the company said.

"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," Tanaka said. "The fire would have been just under your buttocks." 

The company will repair 180,000 toilet units manufactured between May 1996 and December 2001 for free, she said. A manufacturing defect is thought to have led to the faulty wiring. 

Toto has been a pioneer in high-tech toilets fitted with pressurized water sprayers — a standard fixture in Japanese homes. 

The popular Z series features a pulsating massage spray, a power dryer, built-in-the-bowl deodorizing filter, the "Tornado Wash" flush and a lid that opens and closes automatically. Prices range from $1,680 to $2,600. 

The model is not sold overseas. 

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,266604,00.html

The Poetry of Life

Original airdate: April 20, 2007

Konnichi-wa! Previously on The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan...

Our intrepid heroines brave the curious stares of the staff and patrons at the hot springs to soak their aching muscles and other sore body parts.

Eden, feeling self-righteous and inspired by the experience, composes haiku.

The producers of this epic adventure are pleased to report that a flood of fan mail followed Episode 2.

Reverend Anthony Tang sent in 2 haiku of his own, which the producers would like to share with other loyal fans:

Beautiful spring day.

Black kites soaring overhead.

Two bikes, two sore butts.

Bicycling all day.

Onsen requires nakedness?!?!

Strips dignity too.

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan invite all readers to submit haiku inspired by the program.

And now, the long-awaited third installment of this sweeping saga of tragedy in an exotic land both ancient and modern...

The scent of incense permeates the air of Ishite-ji, the most famous temple of the 88 that makes up the island of Shikoku's pilgrimage circuit. Perhaps the smell goes to Eden's head, for once again she feels compelled to compose haiku. Here are her latest masterpieces, both in the classical 5-7-5 configuration:

White face not from here.

This my chance to speak English.

Where you from, whitey?

So cold is the night.

But get up to pee I must.

Ahh! Warm toilet seat.

A 4-hour train journey brings our intrepid heroines to Tokushima, where they check into the Grand Palace Hotel. Eden is deeply disappointed to discover that the toilets, while fancy, do not feature heated seats. She suggests finding another hotel, but Yumiko nixes the idea.

Resigned to three nights without a bun warmer, Eden and Yumiko freshen up and head to the rehearsal dinner. The beer and sake flow freely, washing away any initial awkwardness or shyness. Eden imbibes more beer in those three hours than she has in the last three years; Miko doesn't exactly go easy on the sake either, but she is much better at holding her liquor. 

In the company of other partygoers, our two heroines weave their way back to their hotel, hoping for some sleep before the next day's festivities.

Be sure to tune in to Episode 4, in which Yumiko and Eden attend a traditional Japanese wedding.

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan look forward to your emails and are eager to read your haiku.

© Eden Feuer

Soaking It All Up

Original airdate: April 19, 2007

Konnichi-wa! When we last left our heroines, they were about to run laundry at their eco-friendly, New Age-y youth hostel.

And now, Episode 2 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan...

At last the weather gods smile upon our intrepid heroines, blessing them with a beautiful spring day. They take advantage of the warmth and blue skies by renting bicycles and cycling part of the Setouchi Shimanami Seaway. Black kites (birds) soar overhead as they ride this scenic route consisting of ten bridges that connect six islands in the Seto Inland Sea. The journey is easy on the eyes, but hard on certain areas of the body that are best left unmentioned.

Though forced to walk bowlegged for the rest of the day, Eden and Yumiko manage to visit Imabari and Matsuyama castles and to stagger up the steps of Isaniwa Shrine.

All of this exertion surely warrants a soak in the famous hot springs of Dogo Onsen Honkan. Of course, this involves public nudity, the thought of which traumatizes Eden to the point of near-catatonia. Still, she is determined to experience this aspect of Japanese culture, so she dumps her dignity, sucks in her stomach, and marches right into the onsen.

As our heroines soothe their tired muscles and aching unmentionables in the healing waters, Eden composes haiku in honor of Matsuyama, which lays claim to a famous haiku poet. Here is one of her 17-syllable efforts (free-form, not classical):

Warm is the toilet seat

Hot is the tea

Ice cold is the beer

Thank you

Tune in for Episode 3, when Eden and Yumiko party with Yumiko's relatives.

As always, fan mail is much appreciated.

© Eden Feuer

From the Land of the Rising Sun

Original airdate: April 18, 2007

Konnichi-wa! Welcome to The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan, a sweeping saga of triumph and tragedy set in an exotic land both ancient and modern. 

And now, Episode 1...

Our intrepid heroines are currently ensconced in an eco-friendly, New Age-y youth hostel in Matsuyama. Though they have decided to forgo having photos taken of their auras and have opted out of the seminar on unlocking one's potential, they are deeply appreciative of many of the hostel's other amenities, which include laundry facilities and the fanciest toilets Eden has ever seen (the latter have heated seats and are so high-tech that they have a control panel!).

Despite being dogged by poor weather, our heroines have done much in the days leading up to this point. They have wandered the historic streetscape of Kurashiki, visited the Peace Park in Hiroshima, and been molested by the tame deer on the gorgeous sacred island of Miyajima. They have gone birdwatching in one of Japan's three most beautiful gardens (though their fellow birders were more interested in practicing their English on Eden and Miko than on seeing any birds), slurped udon noodles, stayed in a traditional Japanese ryokan, and climbed the 1,368 steps to the inner shrine of Kompira-san (Eden's more than 2 years of step aerobics paid off in a big way). 

Our heroines, far from home and missing Eden's cats, would appreciate fan mail. 

Tune in next time for Episode 2 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan, when Eden faces the Japanese toilet and the public bath.

© Eden Feuer