Thursday, December 31, 2009

Spin the Bottle

Original airdate: March 9, 2008

Two Crazy Chicks Productions is pleased to present the seventh and final episode of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico. 

Joking and laughter dominate the group's final evening together. Most people are sensible enough to go to bed at a decent hour, but, as has become their custom, our intrepid heroines party with their hard-drinking cronies until they are kicked out of the hotel bar.

Thus it is quite late by the time Miko and Eden return to their room. Yumiko falls into bed exhausted, but Eden, aware that the damiana bottle is at stake, forces herself to stay awake and work on the word puzzles. She solves the first 36 with ease, but soon must concede that she is too tired to continue. Reluctantly, she turns out the light with a vow that she will tackle the rest first thing in the morning.

But between the howling of the wind and the caterwauling of the hotel's resident cats, there is little rest for the wicked and the weary. Bleary-eyed, our fearless females fumble through breakfast and stumble onto the bus at 7:30.

They perk up during a short hike to see some cave paintings. Several local school children and the more able-bodied among the tour group assist the elderly and less agile and everyone negotiates the trail without mishap.

To keep the natives from getting too restless on the long ride, Karla puts them to work making origami whales to decorate the bus' windows. Naturally, Yumiko's whale is the sexiest of all, its crisp folds and perfectly curled spout made with the precision, patience, and creativity that only an anal-retentive, detail-oriented, Tokyo-raised architect can muster.

Seeing others working steadily away on the word games, Eden ignores her tendency to get sick when reading on a moving vehicle and hunkers down, all her focus centered on solving the puzzles and winning the damiana bottle.

But will it be enough? Her competition is clever, highly educated, and well-traveled. And the clock is ticking away relentlessly. Yumiko tries to reassure her, but by the time the bus stops for lunch, Eden is anxious, uncertain, and uneasy (not to mention a bit nauseous).

Lunch comes to and end and the bus resumes its journey north. The moment of truth has arrived. Karla reviews the answers to the word puzzles. With bated breath, the tour group awaits the final tally and the announcement of the victor.

It is… Eden!

Karla hands over the bottle to an exultant Eden, who cradles it in her arms and caresses it lovingly. "I'd just like to thank all of the little people who made this possible," she says, pretending to choke up.

Lively conversation and friendly banter help pass the time. All too soon, the bus pulls in front of a hotel in Estero Beach. It is here that most of the group from California's central coast disembarks; 20 of them have arranged to extend their stay in Mexico for two days to allow them to explore Baja's wine country.

"Hey, why don't you join us?" The invitation is extended by the group's de facto leader and is echoed by the others.

"I wish we could."

"Well then, when the whales migrate back north, we're having a party at a Mexican restaurant overlooking the ocean. We'll drink margaritas and toast the whales. We'd love for you to be there."

With genuine regret our intrepid heroines say their goodbyes and reboard the bus. It makes its way to Ensenada, where the remaining passengers decide to forgo shopping in favor of drinking. They head for Hussong's Cantina, birthplace of the margarita.

The floor of Hussong's is littered with peanut shells. The air is scented with smoke, sunscreen, and lime. Cruise ship passengers and locals alike crowd small tables. A mariachi band plays loudly for two comically drunk Mexicans.

Downing margaritas here, where the drink was invented, seems a fitting final activity. The group finishes its libations. It's time – unfortunately – to bring this epic journey to a close.

© Eden Feuer

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Thar She Blows!

Original airdate: March 8, 2008

Two Crazy Chicks Productions is pleased to present Episode 6 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico. (A note to our frum readers: the following contains profanity.)

The next morning, thoughts of the damiana bottle are far from everyone's mind. The focus is on wildlife – the kind that does not stay up so late swapping stories with new friends that they get kicked out of the bar… again.

The bus heads for the marshes of Guerrero Negro, home to prodigious numbers of wading birds. Eden is given the "jump seat" right next to the bus driver so that she can hop out at a moment's notice to take photos. The marshes do not disappoint. Dozens of yellow-crowned and black-crowned night-herons hunt in the shallows. Ospreys fly overhead bearing fish to feed their newborn chicks.

The tour group lingers too long in the marshes and the driver rushes them back to town to board vans bound for the lagoon. At the dock, Eden and Miko are thrilled when the young whale biologist, Zac, joins them on their boat.

"Whale! Twelve o'clock!"

"Whale! Three o' clock!"

"Whale!"

Our group of travelers is ecstatic to discover that on this particular day the whales of Laguna Ojo de Liebre (known to be less friendly than those of San Ignacio) are inclined to allow the boats to get quite close – and to approach the boats themselves.

A whale and her calf surface right next to our fearless females' craft.

"Oh my gosh!" So near, so enormous are these creatures and so amazed, so awe-struck is Eden that her vast vocabulary is reduced to three words.

That's one more word than Zac manages.

"Holy shit!" he exclaims.

The calf swims close and Eden and Zac lean out and reach for it. Contact!

"Miko! Come here!" Eden commands. "C'mon! Touch it!"

Miko tentatively reaches out until she, too, lays a hand on the whale's surprisingly soft skin. The other passengers follow suit. And then everyone is grinning wildly, high-fiving each other, exulting.

Those smiles only widen when, later, another whale surfaces within a few feet of the boat.

"Oh my gosh!"

"Holy shit!"

The whale spouts, covering Eden with a fine, fishy-smelling mist.

"Well," she laughs, carefully wiping off her camera, "now I can say that not only have I French-kissed a giraffe and hugged a shark, I have also been blown by a whale! How many people can lay claim to that?!"

Ummm, how many people would want to? 

It is a very happy group that clambers out of the boats, onto the dock, and into the bus that afternoon. Nearly everyone touched a whale. Many were blown by a whale. And one person (no, not Eden) even managed to catch a glimpse of "pink Floyd."

"Tonight, when we reach Cataviña," Karla announces, "we will have a party with food, tequila, and a piñata. In the meantime, we have a three and a half hour ride ahead of us, so let's finish off the damiana!"

The sight of the damiana bottle renews Eden's fierce desire to possess it. Never mind that she could walk into just about any Mexican liquor store and buy one. This particular bottle must be hers.

With her trademark flirtatious smile, Karla sets the stakes. "The damiana bottle will go to the person who gets the most correct answers on the word games I passed out yesterday."

Eden smirks. Game on, baby. Game on. 

Will Eden win the damiana bottle? And what will the journey north bring? Be sure to tune in to the final episode of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico!

© Eden Feuer

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Whales of San Ignacio Lagoon

Original airdate: March 7, 2008

Two Crazy Chicks Productions is pleased to present Episode 5 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico.

The anticipation is palpable even as the tour group wolfs down breakfast and piles into waiting vans. The dusty, bumpy, 2-hour ride to San Ignacio Lagoon does not dampen the enthusiasm and the conversation among the travelers is lively. The sparkling emerald green waters beckon as our intrepid heroines eagerly don warm clothing and life jackets, conscientiously apply sunscreen, and anxiously check and recheck photo equipment.

The group divides itself into smaller groups of 8-10 and board the awaiting boats, which then speed toward the whale observation area. It's a wet and wild 20-minute ride, water splashing over the passengers and leaving them coated in a salt crust that would come in handy that evening when drinking margaritas. ("Salt? No thanks. I'll just lick my lips.")

Eden spots the first whale. "Whale!" she announces excitedly, pointing to one spyhopping in the middle distance. It's a cry that would occur frequently over the next couple of hours. There are whales everywhere. Spouting and breaching in the distance. Surfacing and fluking nearby, their breathing audible. Eden and Miko are awed and overwhelmed, humbled and elated.



All too soon, the small boats turn for shore. Our fearless females and their fellow travelers are positively giddy over their first encounter with the gray whales of Baja.  They relive the highlights over lunch, but fall into contemplative silence during the return trip to the town of San Ignacio.

Conversation picks up again once everyone is on board the bus for the ride to Guerrero Negro. "Time to celebrate!" Karla, the petite, attractive, and flirtatious guide, proclaims. She produces a bottle of damiana, a traditional Mexican liquor made from the shrub of the same name. This causes a bit of a stir, not only because this is a group that enjoys drinking, but also because the bottle is unusually – some might even say, scandalously – shaped.

"I must have it. I will have it," Eden declares, though she knows quite well there is no guarantee of that as she is not the only one with a covetous gleam in her eye.

Karla proceeds to distribute shots of damiana. Miko savors its sweetness and the internal warmth it generates while Eden silently schemes to acquire the empty bottle. 

Who will win the prized damiana bottle? And what reception can our intrepid heroines and their geriatric companions expect from the whales of Laguna Ojo de Liebre? Tune in to Episode 6 to find out!

© Eden Feuer

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Bonding on the Bus

Original airdate: March 6, 2008

Two Crazy Chicks Productions is pleased to present Episode 4 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico.

In the hotel bar, the tour group pulls chairs into a giant circle and each person gives a short introductory speech. The size of group and the acoustics of the room prevent Eden and Miko from hearing much, but they do learn that 24 of the passengers are part of a loosely associated group living on California's central coast.

Day 2 dawns, bringing with it the prospect of another long day of travel. By 8:00 – this group runs on time, early even, much to Eden and Miko's pleasant surprise – everyone is on the bus and settling into their seats.

It's been evident from the start that most of the tour group does not quite know what to make of hyperactive Eden and her quiet companion. Our intrepid heroines make a huge stride toward winning them over when they unhesitatingly offer to give up their prime seats to a woman prone to motion sickness and her husband. And Eden's antics with the red pen used to write the day's seat assignments on the windows seem to generate a great deal of amusement.

Between the guide's commentaries and the whale biologist's lectures*, over lunch and dinner, Eden and Miko become acquainted with their fellow travelers – and come to the conclusion that most of them are pretty darn cool.

Even cooler is that the geriatric set apparently returns the sentiment, complimenting Eden on her hair (which, let's be honest, is stunning), seeking Eden's opinion on whether N. is gay (Eden's conclusion: "No self-respecting gay man would ever let himself be seen in public dressed like that."), and inviting our dynamic duo for postprandial margaritas. And thus it is that Eden and Miko swap stories with 4 of their new friends until they are kicked out of the bar. 

Caution: the following material may not be appropriate for all readers.

*Interesting facts from the whale biologist's lectures:

The gray whale migrates 12,000 miles annually between its feeding grounds in the Arctic and its breeding grounds in the lagoons of the Baja peninsula. It reaches a length of about 52 feet, a weight of 36 tons, and an age of 50–60 years. 

Gray whales appear to mate in a threesome comprised of one female and two males. The two males work together. One holds the female in place so she doesn't float off while the other mates with her. Then they switch.

Whale biologists refer to a whale's penis as "pink Floyd."

A single gray whale testicle can weigh up to half a ton. 40% of this weight is lost upon ejaculation.

Tune in for Episode 5, when Yumiko and Eden actually encounter the gray whales of San Ignacio Lagoon.

© Eden Feuer

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Over the Hill and Across the Border

Intended airdate: March 5, 2008 

Two Crazy Chicks Productions is pleased to present Episode 3 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Mexico.

"'Recommended' my ass," Eden mutters. "'Required' should be more like it. Of course, it would help if we had the sense God gave a billy goat."

Well aware that the situation could be a lot worse - as it was when their vehicle rolled down an embankment in Death Valley National Park 50 miles from anyone, anywhere – Eden and Miko don't panic. They are still trying to figure out what to do when providence smiles upon them. Two men camping nearby come to their rescue, guiding the car to solid, 2-wheel-drive-friendly ground.

Their RAV4 freed, our intrepid heroines promptly hightail it to a less rugged part of the refuge, where they hike into a shady canyon before driving to San Diego.

There, they bird the Tijuana Slough, then retire to their traumatized cat-sitter's ex-husband's condo to prepare themselves for their upcoming epic journey south of the border.

Eager to begin their Mexican adventure, Miko and Eden arrive at the designated meeting place early. As the other passengers on the tour arrive, it quickly becomes clear that the median age of our fearless females' 35 fellow adventurers is somewhere between "very old" and "practically mummified." Undaunted, Miko and Eden board the bus, find their seats, and listen to the orientation spiel.

The border crossing process goes smoothly and the bus wends it way through Tijuana to Ensenada, where lunch is served (for those of you who have been following Eden's dietary drama, this presents only the first of many food challenges to come for the woman who is sensitive to many of the most common ingredients in Mexican cuisine).

As the bus continues down Mexican Federal Highway 1, Eden and Miko appreciate the surprisingly lush scenery. The mountains and hills of Baja are awash in color. Yellow, orange, pink, and purple wildflowers bloom amongst flowering cacti, boojum trees (see photo), and yuccas. Frequent bathroom stops – a necessity with this age group – make progress south very slow, but eventually the bus arrives in the small coastal town of San Quintin.

Eden and Miko take a walk along the beach and watch the sun set over the Pacific before making their way to the hotel bar. It's time to get to know their fellow travelers.

Be sure to tune in to Episode 4, in which Eden and Miko bond with their geriatric fellow travelers.

© Eden Feuer