Adventure Tours for the Suicidal

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Adventure Tours for the Suicidal, the prequel to The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize.

In May of 2000, long before season one of the wildly popular The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden, our intrepid heroines set forth on a valiant voyage to the then relatively unknown and little visited Central American country of Belize. The following, written just after that eye-opening odyssey, is an excerpt from Adventures star Eden Feuer's journal: 

“DON’T chicken out on me!” Doyle, our guide, orders, looking each of us in the eye. “DON’T!”

This is what marine boot camp must be like, I think wryly.

Dripping wet and covered in mosquito bites and bruises, we are standing in the middle of a jungle river in Belize’s Cockscomb Basin.

I thought this was going to be like Slide Rock. NOT!  I don’t remember being in danger of sliding right over the edge of a waterfall and dropping ten feet.

“An 85 year-old woman did this slide,” Doyle challenges.

Yeah, probably because she was trying to go out in style. I keep my sarcastic remarks to myself because I know that Yumiko is already afraid. And with good reason. She has more sense than any of us. Minutes earlier, she had watched in horror when I had lost my footing during a climb and slid a bone-jarring fifteen feet.

I am quite certain that my quiet, reserved, unfailingly logical friend would have preferred a more relaxing final day in Belize.

I almost mumble, “Our final day in Belize could be our final day period.”

Instead, I make a mental checklist of everything that we have done so far in this small Central American country – everything I hope to tell my parents should we survive this last little “Adventure for the Active Traveler”:

√ Snorkeled with nurse sharks, eagle rays, and stunning tropical fish in warm, clear Caribbean waters.

√ Endured a two-day boat trip (one that ended with most of the passengers turning green and tossing their cookies) just so I could photograph the rare white morph of the red-footed booby.

√ Tracked endangered black howler monkeys (they tried to pee on us!).

√ Pursued rare birds such as the agami heron in one of the world’s premiere birding areas.

√ Hiked through a steamy jungle in a downpour to learn about the native flora and fauna (“Mom, I saw a peccary and dyed my palms red!”).

√ Tubed down a murky, shallow jungle river (watch out for those “butt rocks”)…

“I really don’t want to do this,” Yumiko whispers.

“Yeah, well, you really don’t have any choice,” I point out, noting that it is physically impossible to turn back and that the banks of the river are so overgrown as to make exit unfeasible.

Doyle fearlessly leads the way, sliding down the slick, worn rocks and catching himself quite spectacularly before he goes over the edge.

“Come on! I’ll catch you and stop you from going over!”

“Ever miss?”

One of the group scoots forward, positions herself at the top of the natural slide, and launches herself.

Doyle, true to his word, catches her – much like a baseball catcher stifling an errant pitch that was thrown too low.

One by one, we make the slide – even Yumiko, who would have turned back if she could have.

“All right!”

Mosquitoes. Heat. Humidity.  A little danger. Sound like paradise? Yeah, I think so, too.

© Eden Feuer

Japan II: The Slideshow

Papa-paparazzi*

Intended airdate: April 7, 2010

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present the second and final episode of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan II...

“One’s coming!”

The members of the “Paparazzi Club,” a small group of photographers who have spontaneously joined forces, scramble into position and check their camera settings one last time.

The geisha scurries along the dark, narrow side street toward the theater Flashes fire furiously as she approaches, illuminating her green silk kimono and perfectly made-up white face.

You’ll only get one chance at her, Eden reminds herself, feeling rather like a stalker. So don’t shoot until she steps under the streetlight.

By some estimates, only 200 geisha still inhabit Gion, Kyoto’s best-known geisha quarter. That can make getting a decent photo of one very difficult.

“I spent several days wandering around this area and saw only one,” a fellow paparazzo confides. “And she was already surrounded by a horde of people.”

Our fearless females are fortunate. Not only does their foray into Gion happen to coincide with Miyako Odori (an annual dance gala staged by Gion’s geisha), Eden and Miko somehow manage to stumble upon the theater where it is being held. So instead of having to go in search of these “children of the arts,” our intrepid heroines have only to lie in wait.

Indeed luck has been with Eden and Miko for the entire Kyoto portion of this trip to the land of the rising sun. The forecasted rain has not yet made an appearance and the cherry trees for which the former imperial capital is famous are at the peak of their bloom.

They have trod along the so-called nightingale floors (designed to squeak to warn of possible intruders) of Nijo Castle, strolled along the cherry tree-lined Philosopher’s Walk, marveled at the magnificent Golden Pavilion, admired the weeping cherry trees of Heian Shrine’s Shinen Garden, viewed the city from Kiyomizu-dera’s veranda, contemplated Ryoan-ji’s famous Zen rock garden, and gazed upon Sanjusangen-do Temple’s 1,001 statues of Kannon (goddess of mercy).

Perhaps it is the eleven-headed, thousand-armed goddess’ intervention that finally allows Eden – after two hours and multiple attempts – to get her geisha photo.

With a sigh of relief, she and the ever-patient Miko part ways with the Paparazzi Club and make their way along Kyoto’s crowded streets toward their ryokan (traditional Japanese inn). Tomorrow they will make a quick stop at the Imperial Palace before boarding a Tokyo-bound Shinkansen (bullet train) and beginning the long journey home.

© Eden Feuer

*For those readers who are not familiar with current American pop music, the title of this episode is a direct reference to Lady GaGa’s hit song Paparazzi.

Dead Man's Party*

Intended airdate: April 2, 2010

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Episode 1 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan II...

Pioneering journalist Hisato Ishida, only child of Minoru and Mieko Ishida, died in Tokyo of heart failure on November 30, 2009. He was 76. He is survived by estranged wife Honor Williams Ishida, daughters Catherine and Yumiko, and a fairly extensive wine collection comprised mostly of French reds.

That precious collection is the inspiration for what Yumiko and Cathy dub “the wine party,” a memorial/celebration/remembrance to be held at Tokyo’s New Otani Hotel on April 2nd.

A magnificent display of cherry blossoms welcomes our intrepid heroines, Cathy, and Cathy’s husband Mike to Tokyo. The four promptly set to work taking care of last-minute details.

Eden finds trouble as she and Yumiko are returning from the wine storage facility, where they spent the morning in a stark, windowless, icy room, pulling selected bottles for transport to the hotel.

Our fearless females are navigating a crowded station when Yumiko darts aboard a subway car just as the doors are sliding shut. Eden, taken by surprise by her normally slow-moving companion’s sudden speedy maneuver, instinctively – and stupidly – thrusts her hands out in an unsuccessful attempt to prevent the doors from closing.

Her hands trapped, Eden looks through the glass to meet Yumiko’s startled gaze. It’s clear that she too is wondering what they will do if they are separated. It then occurs to Eden that she faces a much more disturbing potential problem: she might become separated from some critical body parts.

With a desperate yank, she wrenches her hands free. A moment later, the conductor orders the doors to reopen and Eden hops onto the train.

“Well, that could’ve been ugly. You’d think those stupid doors would have some sort of sensor,” she comments, wincing in pain and gingerly flexing her swollen knuckles. “We need a plan in case we get separated.”

The Plan: the gaijin (foreigner) stays put. The nihonjin (Japanese) is to return for her little lost sheep.

Eden and Yumiko are not interested in having to utilize The Plan, so they stick close to one another as, over the course of the next couple of days, they window shop in Ginza (Tokyo’s equivalent of New York’s 5th Avenue), watch a Shinto priest bless a new Mercedes, waft incense over themselves at Senso Temple, play with the latest electronic gadgets at Panasonic Center, and gawk at a sculpture atop the Asahi building that Cathy has dubbed “the Golden Poo.”

“It’s an apt name,” Eden informs Cathy when they meet in the hotel room to dress for the wine party.

Some 80 people show up to pay their respects to Yumiko and Cathy’s late father. For two hours, surviving schoolmates, colleagues, and friends toast his journalistic accomplishments, share humorous anecdotes, and reflect on his life. The wine flows freely and the guests get happily hammered.

It’s a dead man’s party. Who could ask for more?

© Eden Feuer

*For those readers who are not familiar with American 80s music, the title of this episode is a direct reference to Oingo Boingo’s hit song Dead Man’s Party.