Adventure Tours for the Suicidal

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWildPhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present Adventure Tours for the Suicidal, the prequel to The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden: Return to Belize.

In May of 2000, long before season one of the wildly popular The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden, our intrepid heroines set forth on a valiant voyage to the then relatively unknown and little visited Central American country of Belize. The following, written just after that eye-opening odyssey, is an excerpt from Adventures star Eden Feuer's journal: 

“DON’T chicken out on me!” Doyle, our guide, orders, looking each of us in the eye. “DON’T!”

This is what marine boot camp must be like, I think wryly.

Dripping wet and covered in mosquito bites and bruises, we are standing in the middle of a jungle river in Belize’s Cockscomb Basin.

I thought this was going to be like Slide Rock. NOT!  I don’t remember being in danger of sliding right over the edge of a waterfall and dropping ten feet.

“An 85 year-old woman did this slide,” Doyle challenges.

Yeah, probably because she was trying to go out in style. I keep my sarcastic remarks to myself because I know that Yumiko is already afraid. And with good reason. She has more sense than any of us. Minutes earlier, she had watched in horror when I had lost my footing during a climb and slid a bone-jarring fifteen feet.

I am quite certain that my quiet, reserved, unfailingly logical friend would have preferred a more relaxing final day in Belize.

I almost mumble, “Our final day in Belize could be our final day period.”

Instead, I make a mental checklist of everything that we have done so far in this small Central American country – everything I hope to tell my parents should we survive this last little “Adventure for the Active Traveler”:

√ Snorkeled with nurse sharks, eagle rays, and stunning tropical fish in warm, clear Caribbean waters.

√ Endured a two-day boat trip (one that ended with most of the passengers turning green and tossing their cookies) just so I could photograph the rare white morph of the red-footed booby.

√ Tracked endangered black howler monkeys (they tried to pee on us!).

√ Pursued rare birds such as the agami heron in one of the world’s premiere birding areas.

√ Hiked through a steamy jungle in a downpour to learn about the native flora and fauna (“Mom, I saw a peccary and dyed my palms red!”).

√ Tubed down a murky, shallow jungle river (watch out for those “butt rocks”)…

“I really don’t want to do this,” Yumiko whispers.

“Yeah, well, you really don’t have any choice,” I point out, noting that it is physically impossible to turn back and that the banks of the river are so overgrown as to make exit unfeasible.

Doyle fearlessly leads the way, sliding down the slick, worn rocks and catching himself quite spectacularly before he goes over the edge.

“Come on! I’ll catch you and stop you from going over!”

“Ever miss?”

One of the group scoots forward, positions herself at the top of the natural slide, and launches herself.

Doyle, true to his word, catches her – much like a baseball catcher stifling an errant pitch that was thrown too low.

One by one, we make the slide – even Yumiko, who would have turned back if she could have.

“All right!”

Mosquitoes. Heat. Humidity.  A little danger. Sound like paradise? Yeah, I think so, too.

© Eden Feuer