Eden's Post-trip Haiku

Original airdate: April 25, 2007

What?! No heated seat

To warm my well-traveled buns.

Bass ackwards country!

© Eden Feuer

Lighting a Fire Under Your Rear End... Literally

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan would like to share with our readers the following Foxnews.com article of April 17, 2007, brought to our attention by Dr. Cheston Berlin:

Now that's a hot behind.

Japan's leading toilet maker, Toto Ltd., is offering free repairs for 180,000 bidet toilets after wiring problems caused several to catch fire, the company said Monday, according to the Associated Press.

The electric bidet accessory of Toto's Z series caught fire in three separate incidents between March 2006 and March 2007, according to company spokeswoman Emi Tanaka. The bidet sent up smoke in 26 other incidents, the company said.

"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," Tanaka said. "The fire would have been just under your buttocks." 

The company will repair 180,000 toilet units manufactured between May 1996 and December 2001 for free, she said. A manufacturing defect is thought to have led to the faulty wiring. 

Toto has been a pioneer in high-tech toilets fitted with pressurized water sprayers — a standard fixture in Japanese homes. 

The popular Z series features a pulsating massage spray, a power dryer, built-in-the-bowl deodorizing filter, the "Tornado Wash" flush and a lid that opens and closes automatically. Prices range from $1,680 to $2,600. 

The model is not sold overseas. 

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,266604,00.html

The Poetry of Life

Original airdate: April 20, 2007

Konnichi-wa! Previously on The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan...

Our intrepid heroines brave the curious stares of the staff and patrons at the hot springs to soak their aching muscles and other sore body parts.

Eden, feeling self-righteous and inspired by the experience, composes haiku.

The producers of this epic adventure are pleased to report that a flood of fan mail followed Episode 2.

Reverend Anthony Tang sent in 2 haiku of his own, which the producers would like to share with other loyal fans:

Beautiful spring day.

Black kites soaring overhead.

Two bikes, two sore butts.

Bicycling all day.

Onsen requires nakedness?!?!

Strips dignity too.

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan invite all readers to submit haiku inspired by the program.

And now, the long-awaited third installment of this sweeping saga of tragedy in an exotic land both ancient and modern...

The scent of incense permeates the air of Ishite-ji, the most famous temple of the 88 that makes up the island of Shikoku's pilgrimage circuit. Perhaps the smell goes to Eden's head, for once again she feels compelled to compose haiku. Here are her latest masterpieces, both in the classical 5-7-5 configuration:

White face not from here.

This my chance to speak English.

Where you from, whitey?

So cold is the night.

But get up to pee I must.

Ahh! Warm toilet seat.

A 4-hour train journey brings our intrepid heroines to Tokushima, where they check into the Grand Palace Hotel. Eden is deeply disappointed to discover that the toilets, while fancy, do not feature heated seats. She suggests finding another hotel, but Yumiko nixes the idea.

Resigned to three nights without a bun warmer, Eden and Yumiko freshen up and head to the rehearsal dinner. The beer and sake flow freely, washing away any initial awkwardness or shyness. Eden imbibes more beer in those three hours than she has in the last three years; Miko doesn't exactly go easy on the sake either, but she is much better at holding her liquor. 

In the company of other partygoers, our two heroines weave their way back to their hotel, hoping for some sleep before the next day's festivities.

Be sure to tune in to Episode 4, in which Yumiko and Eden attend a traditional Japanese wedding.

The producers of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Japan look forward to your emails and are eager to read your haiku.

© Eden Feuer