Rocky Mountain High

Date of events depicted: 14 August 2011

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWild PhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present episode 2 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Glacier National Park…  

“Is there some sort of medication you need to bring with you on the raft?” Ross eyes Eden closely as she attempts to buckle her life vest with shaking hands.

“Nope,” Eden assures the guide. “Just had a bit too much caffeine.” She bounces on her toes. “Yup, yup. A bit too much caffeine.”

Ross looks doubtful. “You’re sure you don’t need medication?” he asks, tightening the vest. “You’re as jumpy as I’ve ever seen anyone.”

“Okaaay, I’ve had waaaay too much caffeine. But no worries.  No worries. It should wear off soon.”

It has been hours since our intrepid heroines, up since before dawn in search of owls, stopped at a small, crowded café near Glacier National Park’s east entrance for a much-needed cup of coffee and breakfast.

But Eden did not limit herself to one cup – in a disturbing demonstration of lack of common sense, she imbibed three – and for someone of her temperament and constitution that has serious and long-lasting consequences. Among them, apparently, is giving strangers the impression that she has some sort of grave medical condition.

As Yumiko, Eden, and their fellow adventurers negotiate the rapids of the wild and scenic Middle Fork of the Flathead River, the icy water washes away the lingering effects of Eden’s excess consumption.

On the stretches of flat water, conversation flows easily among the rafters, who swap advice and suggestions regarding what to see and do in the area.

Yumiko and Eden enthusiastically endorse hiking the Hidden Overlook Trail. Still partially snow-covered even this late in the season, it boasts stunning views of the glacier-carved landscape and opportunities for close encounters with wildlife. Just the day before, our fearless females came within feet of mountain goats, marmots, and ground squirrels while bighorn sheep grazed in the valley below.

Ross guides the raft to the pull out and points to a short blue bus. “Hop on.”

The ride back is not a long one, but there is time enough for the group to serenade Eden with a rousing round of “Happy Birthday” and for a one-question trivia contest, which Eden wins. Food allergies, unfortunately, mean she can only watch enviously as Yumiko collects and eats the prize: a double scoop of delicious locally-made huckleberry ice cream in a waffle cone.

In the golden light of afternoon, our dynamic duo drives the rough roads of the remote and uncrowded North Fork Valley to the tiny community of Polebridge, where, according to Ross, they will find some of the best food around at the town’s only bar.

The Northern Lights Saloon, with its five tables and six barstools and frontier feel, doesn’t disappoint. The food is outstanding and, Eden discovers, the drinks strong. Yumiko, on antibiotics, can only watch enviously as Eden downs a celebratory Jack & Coke.

“Yup, yup,” Eden says, finishing her elk burger (no bun) and handing over the car keys. “I’ve had bit too much to drink. But no worries. It should wear off soon.”

The memories of her 40^th birthday weekend, however, will stay with her for a very long time.

© Eden Feuer

The Bear Essentials

Two Crazy Chicks Productions, in association with WorldWild PhotoGraphics and What Am I Going to Tell Your Mother? Productions, is proud to present episode 1 of The Adventures of Yumiko and Eden in Glacier National Park…

“Swiftcurrent Pass is posted for bears. Actually, grizzlies have been seen recently on all of the area’s trails,” the ranger reports. “Two are completely closed due to bear activity.”

“I’ll understand if you’d rather not hike,” Eden says to Yumiko.

Yumiko deliberates for a long moment. “No. It’s okay. We’ll just have to do as the Park Service recommends and be sure to make a lot of noise.”

Our intrepid heroines, on high alert as they set out, can’t help but recall the hike they took not far from here 15 years ago.

On that fine summer’s day, as they were nearing the end of their 9-mile trek on the spectacular Iceberg Lake Trail, a loud roar made their feet and hearts come to a complete standstill.

“There’s something big in the bushes.”

“No shit,” Eden muttered as a huge grizzly sow and her two cubs came crashing onto the trail. “Don’t run, Miko!”

The mama bear stared long and hard at the two humans – as if they were lunch on legs – before abruptly turning and leading her cubs down the mountainside.

At the time, our dynamic duo sighed with relief and high-tailed it the remaining half-mile to the parking lot.

It was their first close encounter with Ursus arctos horribilis.

They have not gone far on the Swiftcurrent Pass Trail when Yumiko, walking a few paces behind Eden, lets out a shriek.

Bear! Eden’s adrenaline spikes. She spins around, looking for the grizzly.

But Yumiko is staring at the ground. At a snake.

“A snake?” Eden hisses as it slithers off. “Seriously? A snake? For heaven’s sake, Miko, you gave me a coronary!”

“It startled me.”

When their breathing returns to some semblance of normal, Yumiko and Eden resume their hike to Redrock Falls, clapping their hands and calling out “Hey, bear!” But that gets boring after a while, so Eden begins singing.

“One hundred bottles of beer on the wall. One hundred bottles of beer. If one of the bottles should happen to faaaalllll... ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall!”

Though Yumiko (not having grown up in the U.S.) is unfamiliar with the song’s challenging and complicated lyrics, it does not take her long to master them.

The trail meanders through shaded woods and over a stream, past shimmering lakes and rugged peaks. The air is fresh and clean and in the big sky above clouds ride the wind, hinting at rain to come.

Our fearless females DO see bears – a mother and her two cubs – but the grizzly family is high on the mountainside across Fishercap Lake.

“Well,” Eden says with some satisfaction as they step off the trail, “we made it back safely. Probably because my singing is... unbearable!”

© Eden Feuer